Are You Missing Someone This Christmas?

Most people miss someone around the holidays.   I am missing my little niece and two sisters. I’m missing one of my best friends, and my grandparents.  If you clicked to this page you may be missing someone, too. As I’m writing this, I’m saying a prayer for all of you who feel emotional during the holidays. But I want you to know you can still feel enjoyment and peace—and you should. Just because you have fun does not mean you don’t miss someone.

This is what Christmas is all about–God sent his son Jesus, who was born in a manger. He lived as a person and then died and was raised to Heaven. We know our loved ones are in Heaven and they’ll be there to greet us, but for now, they are also here on Earth with us every day.

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Don’t Blame Christmas For Your Loss

The one thing I know about Christmas is that it is of no fault of the holiday that some of my loved ones have passed away. I remember when my Grandma died. Grandpa told us that she died at 1a.m., just an hour after my birthday ended, but I’ve always figured she died on my birthday and he just didn’t want to ruin the date for me.

Though I loved my Grandma, her death could not ruin my birthday.  Think of all the fun birthdays I had because of her! It was a week and a half before Christmas but I vowed it would never ruin the holiday. In fact, I have embraced Grandma by including some of her traditions in my own holiday.

Can You Still Have A Good Christmas If You Are Missing Someone?

YES. Once my niece passed away at age 10 I wondered if all the fun would leave Christmas, but it never did.  It’s different, but if you try, you can still have fun. Her mother (my sister) never let her heartache ruin Christmas, in fact she gives parties both at home and work every year. She forces herself to get out there and live, and you can’t help but admire someone like that. Sure she gets sad sometimes, but she doesn’t let it drag her  (and everyone else) down.

And about my two sisters who left this earth suddenly and much too early, also… my parents have shown such strength in going on that they are a great example.

But What If I Feel Sad?

Sometimes during the holidays just the simplest thing might cause me to cry. Just thinking of when we got the Easy Bake Oven might do it.  Watching an old movie that I know my one sister would have loved might do it too.  (It happened last week when I watched Wizard Of Oz.  My sisters and I used to act like the guards and march and sing that song they sang when Dorothy was locked up with the Flying Monkeys.  (“Oh ray oh….Ohhhh…Ohhhhh” can you remember that part? Real sentimental, huh?)

So I allow myself a quick cry. I think if we don’t acknowledge our feelings we might explode and I don’t want people to have to pick up all the pieces of me if I did. I sometimes even  go over to the computer to download a song that reminds me of them. (Sometimes two.)

But then I make myself find a happy song that I like. Maybe an old Grassroots song or “Build Me Up Buttercup” or “Don’t Worry Be Happy” or maybe “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer!” (ha ha) Actually that song came out the year my Grandma died and we remember people turning it off so it wouldn’t upset us.  It never upset us–you have to have a sense of humor.

New Traditions:

“Christmas With The Girls”

Each year my parents, sister, and I get in the car equipped with Christmas ornaments, hot chocolate, cookies, and enthusiasm. It is always a day we look forward to as we  have “Christmas With The Girls.”

First we stop at the memorial garden for one sister and we decorate the evergreen tree next to the stone with her name on it. We laugh and talk and take pictures of ourselves next to “Nancy’s Tree.”  If you want to see it, it will be decorated soon–it’s a the Dog Park at The Humane Society on Macklind, where people walk their dogs.

Then we get in the car and drive to where my niece is. Her grave is adorned with a “Christmas Blanket” which is evergreens with a big red bow. She loved the “glitzy” sparkly things that life had to offer so we pretty much glitz it up with sparkly ribbons and ornaments. Though there may be the occasional tear in our eyes, there is no full-fledged crying today because it’s a party day. It’s our day we are celebrating the holidays with the girls.

The last stop is the cemetery where my other sister is. Isn’t just too crazy that though she was Jewish, she is resting right next to a sidewalk with six little  evergreen trees there–just waiting to be decorated for Christmas!  That’s where we usually break out the hot chocolate and cookies. It all comes to an end when we get so cold we start laughing and run to the car.

That’s our little way of keeping them in our lives at the holidays.

Three Little Angels

Every year at Christmas I set an angel in front of those I am missing. I have the aforementioned three in a little picture frame with all three of them. I found these little angels that are just about that size. I set them out when I am decorating for Christmas and as I set the angels in front of the pictures I think of them. Just another way of including them in the holidays.

Don’t cry because they are gone…SMILE because we had them.

New Traditions

Every year since I was a child we would have our Christmas Dinner in my parents’ dining room: Turkey, dressing, the whole works. But after my niece passed away it was hard to see the empty chairs or the space at the table where she and my sisters might have been. One day someone in the family had a great idea–  if it makes us sad to see the family dinner table with someone missing, then let’s go out to eat!

On Christmas the only restaurant we could find open was Chinese so we went to a Chinese Buffet. It was so great and we loved not having to cook. We had more time to enjoy each other that day because we weren’t worried about cooking.

Now we eat our Christmas Dinner at the Chinese restaurant and it’s a new tradition we really enjoy. I’d advise you to try it but I don’t want the Chinese restaurant getting too crowded!

Time For Tears….But Lots Of Time For Smiles!

Please don’t misunderstand me that we take things lightly. We love our girls and we hate it that they are gone, but at the same time, they are never completely gone.

My only advice to you if you are missing someone is try not to let it make you bitter. Becoming sad and bitter does no one any good. There are others who are counting on you right now and they need you. They want you to be the best you you can be. The person you are missing would want that too.

If you are sad, embrace something that will make someone else happy.  Lord knows there are enough sad people out there it won’t take you long to find someone who needs you.  Whatever happened in your life that is making you sad, I don’t know why it happened.

I don’t know why these things happened to my family either. But I don’t blame God, and I don’t blame Christmas. I will admit was mad at God for a time, but I now realize He didn’t cause these things to happen— but He was right there with me just as He is now. And I talked to my minister about being mad at Him. He told me that was a good thing. He likened it to being mad at our parents when we were children. But you always got over it. As long as we stay in conversation with God we can work it out.  Let God wrap his loving arms around you and cheer you up. He will keep you safe.

This is from Erin, who lost her father last year. I thought this might help some one…

The other day, I went to Jefferson Barracks to visit my folks grave site and to bring a live Christmas tree to them. And while I said my prayers, I looked around and despite the tears freezing to my checks, I could only see beauty!!! To me it was a Christmas gift from heaven, I saw beauty in the sky, the birds, the ice dripping off the trees and in the deer across the field. At that moment, I felt an overwhelming peace. It was wonderful to say the least!!!

I’m praying for you during this Christmas season. You can have a good holiday…you are taking the first step…you read my blog. Now try doing some of the fun things I suggested. Let’s make this a great Christmas!

If there is any way I can help you, please email me: WriteAsRains@sbcglobal.net